Is your child excessively verbal or physically aggressive? Does your child habitually disobey rules at home or school? Is your child constantly involved in delinquent behaviors inside or outside of the home? It may be interesting to know that these are common behavioral challenges associated with Externalizing Disorders or simply outward negative behavioral problems children and adolescents experience on an excessive level. These disorders can include (but are not limited to) conduct disorder, oppositional defiance disorder, intermittent explosive disorder, or disruptive behavior disorder. Your child may have received one of these diagnoses or may be displaying these behaviors currently and I would like for you to know that there is hope for your child to change their behavior, and, more importantly, their attitudes and thought processes. I have worked with many families of at-risk youth who had lost hope due to their child’s excessive negative behavior but then found it again through the implementation of simple and practical interventions.
...excessive disobedience, aggression and delinquency are certainly not new behavioral phenomenon’s. Biblical history is littered with occasions where children refused to obey their parents and displayed the same behaviors characterized by current “Externalizing Disorders.”
Although the psychological community has recently labeled these negative behaviors as disorders, excessive disobedience, aggression and delinquency are certainly not new behavioral phenomenon’s. Biblical history is littered with occasions where children refused to obey their parents and displayed the same behaviors characterized by current “Externalizing Disorders.” Such examples can be found with Cain in Genesis 4, Eli’s sons in 1 Samuel 2, and with David’s son’s Amnon and Absalom in 2 Samuel. Although cultural environments are different these behaviors have continued through the centuries because of the existence of sin. The introduction of sin into the world by Satan, Eve and Adam, and the banishment from the Garden of Eden that followed, gives us one of the first acts of discipline in recorded history. Discipline is a foundational concept that must be experienced and learned in order to live a healthy, functional life. Scripture encourages believers to discipline our children as God disciplines us. Although it is difficult, healthy discipline promotes respect, personal responsibility, self-control, growth and compliance with rules. God disciplines those He loves (Revelation 3:19) to refine their attitudes and actions to look more like His through the process called sanctification. Likewise when we love our children we hold their behaviors and attitudes accountable to a scriptural and familial standard, and we discipline when necessary. Additional scriptural encouragement regarding discipline can be found in Deuteronomy 8:5, Proverbs 19:18, Hebrews 12:4-17 and Proverbs 13:24 (“rod” = correction or discipline).
If your child is currently exhibiting excessive negative behavior, there is hope for your family. Hope is found in the redemptive love and power of Jesus Christ in your child’s life, as well as discipline and structure in the home. Below are a few practical steps you can begin implementing in your home to address your child’s behavior. If you feel as though these steps do not effectively address your child’s behavior there may be underlying circumstances that may need to be addressed through professional counseling.
Ten Practical steps of disciplining: 1) Pray for your child’s behavior, and seek wisdom from the Lord (James 1:5-6). 2)Seek advice from a trusted mentor who has raised children on their own. Parental support is necessary to stay consistent and follow through with rules consequencing and rewarding. 3)Model Godly, and appropriate behavior for your child. 4)Increase structure in the home by having specific rules and expectations for your children to follow. 5)Create specific, concrete consequences and rewards for specific behaviors. Consequences and rewards should be age appropriate. 6)Be consistent and follow through each time a rule is broken or a reward is earned. 7)Communicate with your child by letting them know exactly what is expected of them. Create a behavior plan and post it in a visible area if needed. 8)Create a behavior earning system for privileges. 9)Remain calm and assertive when disciplining. 10)If there is a lack of structure in your home, start slowly to prevent all parties from being overwhelmed. Try one rule a week and once that is mastered add rules accordingly.
